1. The activity begins about three months before the actual trip, when the first girl on campus utters the phrase “getting ready for Shasta.” It can be in a casual conversation, like “I remember when we were getting ready for Shasta last year… ” or “I’ve gotta start going to the rec more to get ready for Shasta,” but the effects are swift and irrevocable. A strange bat-signal/homing beacon has been sent out, and the look in every girl’s eyes becomes a bit more manic. ‘Tis the season for Shastasizing.
2. On the flip side, none of the boys really bat an eye. They’ll start making plans about the time they normally do: the day before. It helps that none of the boys really care about having a Shasta body. Remember how cute all those Greek boys looked in flannel back in October? Bro tanks and $2 Ray-Ban knockoffs are not quite so kind.
3. Boys and girls pair off to be “dates.” This varies by situation: either the intent is to drunkenly hook up all weekend or just share food, depending on how well you know your date. This means that you essentially only have the choice between three days and nights of pretending not to have the spins while you put some guy’s dick in your mouth or arguing over whose idea it was to bring only hot dogs (his) and Mike’s Hard (hers). SHASTA 2013 MOTHERFUCKERS, WOO!
4. The whole group caravans down to Lake Shasta. An orderly row of cars calmly troupes down I-5, proudly displaying UO bumper stickers and letting other cars merge, mouthing “No, please, after you” and waving happily to other travelers. (Ha ha just kidding, they all get on a party bus and are wasted before hitting Cottage Grove.)
5. The group arrives at Lake Shasta. The party begins and a giant air cannon shoots T-shirts and bro tanks with douchebag slogans like “PEACE LOVE FRAT” and “PARTY LIKE A PRO” into a crowd of sweaty and drunken twentysomethings. Somewhere in comedy heaven, John Belushi cries softly into his wife’s shoulder, repeating “I didn’t know it would come to this” over and over. She pats him on the head.
(Read the rest on Quackd.com)
